Things that went awry

For two months now I have been craving raspberry butter cream cupcakes. Cravings, when they involve sticks of butter and cups of sugar, are like little over-bred dogs that yip ceaselessly– they need to be ignored.

This one, however, I couldn’t shake. So I picked the damn puppy up and made the cupcakes.

Oh no.

Baking, as everyone knows, is a science. It requires measuring and stuff. I, as everyone should know, don’t measure. Measuring makes me sneer. Then there is all that preheating, timer, top rack-bottom rack hoo-haw. Who needs it?

I’ve burned more than I’ve baked. I’m proud of it.

Erik was not going to help me with the baking of the yipping puppy. He did give me pointers on the frosting: Don’t add milk if you are adding raspberries. Make sure that the butter is room temperature. You don’t need to use ALL of the raspberries in the frosting.

Erik left for work and I mixed up some frosting.

The recipe called for ½ cup of butter, 3 cups of powdered sugar and 3 tbsp of milk (which I replaced with raspberry liquor that I stewed up).

The result was unpleasant.

Ignore all that and do this:
Put two sticks of room temp butter into the mixer and turn the mixer on.
Add a cup (oh this is bulsh&t, I have no clue if it was a cup or not) of powdered sugar and pint of raspberries.
Ad a splash of wine. Rosé works well.
Add more powdered sugar and watch consistency.

Put the mixing bowl in the refrigerator and cool for an hour- check consistency. If you need to make the thing stiffer you can either: add butter or add sugar. Pick your devil.

As far as baking the actual cup cake, you’re on your own. As Erik said, considering that I didn’t use a timer, know at what temperature to bake the cupcakes at, or even really preheat, the cupcakes were a work of genius. Key word: considering.

The other day I asked my friend R is she had a falafel recipe she liked.

She did.

It looks like this.

Buying tahini to make the sauce that accompanies the falafel was an issue. Apparently, there have been some tahini recalls –Something about a possible salmonella contamination. Up in Seattle, I was forced to buy super expensive non-recalled tahini made by raw food fanatics.

Yesterday, we were in Sunshine Foods here in St. Helena and the woman in front of us in line was desperate to find tahini.

A conversation between the clerk (who in St. Helena is known as dick of a clerk) and me went like this:
Me: Funny we were just up in Seattle, looking for Tahini and it was recalled up there too!
Dick of a clerk: It’s nationwide.
Me: Well, yeah, that makes sense, I just thought it was funny that’s all.
Dick of a clerk: cash or credit?
Me: You know, because, we were looking for tahini too.
Dick: Here’s your receipt.

Obviously inane conversation is not part of Dick of a Clerk's job.

Should you ever find yourself in Ashland, Oregon at the Shell station across from the LaQuinta and you get a chance to pick up a marinara filled soft pretzel for 2 bucks… don’t.

Should you happen by the Brown Bear Family Diner and think, hrmmm, a roast beef sand which sounds excellent- order a slice of the rubber kitchen mat instead.

If one morning at said LaQuinta you might want to have breakfast and think the biscuits and gravy would work out well for you, consider the last time you at rehydrated mystery meat in white goo. If you had a good time the last time you ate rehydrated mystery meat in white goo, you’ll have a good time again.